December 17, 2013 by nooffensebut
I’m a big fan of Esquire magazine, including a Web feature titled “10 Things You Didn’t Know About Women,” in which celebrity females give their take on, you know, 10 things you don’t know about women. So I asked the women in my life to provide their own lists. I chimed in a couple of my own as well.
Actually, I asked men too, to get both sides of the coin, but none responded to my request. Which means men know there’s nothing women don’t already know, right?
Ladies, what would you add?
1. Listen and observe. LISTEN AND OBSERVE.
2. We want to get along with your mother, but if she says anything bad about us, you’d better be on our side.
3. Some of us love science fiction. Some of us HATE “Sex and the City.” Some of us love sports. Some of us live to camp. Some of us think rude jokes are HILARIOUS.
4. We size guys up by the size of their hands.
5. If you turn on a football game and turn off the lights, don’t be surprised when we fall asleep.
6. “It’s fine” usually means: “It isn’t fine, you idiot. My feelings are hurt or I’m angry, and you’ll hear about it soon enough.”
7. Take time with kissing. Make it good, make it last. If you invest with the kissing, it will be worth your while.
8. Making fun of our driving or taste in music is not funny or cute; it’s annoying and rude.
9. We actually do like doing favors for you. We just pretend we don’t so you won’t feel entitled.
10. Do not underestimate the gravity of a small, sweet gesture. A flower on a random day, an out-of-nowhere compliment — these things go a long way.
The irony, of course, is that lists like this, while fun and imbued with some truth, are ultimately misleading because there are absolutely no hard-and-fast rules that apply to all women. Or, indeed, all people.
And that’s probably the most important thing you don’t know about women.
Originally published Nov. 19, 2010 in the Chattanooga Times Free Press